“My worldview has gotten bigger, even though I grew up in a small Zeelandic village. Because of my adoption, I met so many different people with different stories, it has enriched my life”. The adoption also makes me live more consciously: there are so many people who suffer. I do not want to downplay my own story, but it puts things into perspective. I am not the only person going through difficult times.

I was born in China, and abandoned when I was a year old. After that, I stayed at an orphanage for a year. I was not adopted within China due to a disability: hip dysplasia. They thought something was wrong with me mentally as well, because I did not speak a lot. When I was 2 and a half years old, I moved to my parents in Zeeland. They had three biological sons, and wanted to have a girl as well.

I had a challenging time at primary school. There were not many people of colour and I got called a ‘chinky’. I hated that. My parents talked to their parents about this before, but they were met with disrespectful remarks as well: “how much did Anne Mei cost? Would it not be cheaper to have another child of your own?” I still come across strange questions and remarks. The ignorance of people… that is one of the reasons why I joined this project.

When I did a presentation on the subject of my adoption in the 6th grade the remarks stopped, and I realised for the first time that I too had power. Only when I went to secondary school, I felt more at home. I quickly went from MAVO to VWO and met children that were just as serious about their education as I was. More people from different backgrounds lived in that environment as well. This changed everything.

LIFE IS ABOUT A RIGHT TO BE. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE ADOPTED.

 
Of course, I struggled with it as well. Everyone wants to know their background. And on a higher level: does God exist? How was the earth created? For me, even the answers to basic questions were lacking: who am I related to? Life is about a right to be. Especially when you are adopted. The right to be itself becomes a question. And that makes it very difficult. I believe I have such high standards for myself because of that. I want to get the most out of my day. I am actually living for two: for myself, and for my biological mother. And preferably for my adoptive mother on top of that.

I always received a lot of support at home to talk about my adoption. I was always aware of it as well. This helped me a lot. Even before I was able to talk, I wanted to look into the mirror with my adoptive mother. The thought of that still affects me. I saw two people who looked very differently, but also a connection. I immediately felt that she would always protect me. We take care of each other. That is what family means to me.

I never really had attachment issues. But I am afraid to lose my parents. That is why I am still scared to rebel against them. But we are able to talk about that. When I do something that they actually do not approve of, they are proud of me at the same time. Strange, huh?

I went back to China before with my adoptive parents. I did not find my biological mother. I do not know if my biological mother would like to see me. Not so much feelings-wise as culturally: abandoning a child is against the law. Maybe she will become an outcast when people learn about me. I do not want to bring her into danger. She prioritised my needs: giving me a new chance. That is how I see it anyway, positively. It took a while before I was able to do that though.

I will go back to China again someday. When I speak the language. I quickly noticed that I have a knack for the Chinese language. I cannot read or write it, but I can understand it. It makes me emotional when I hear the sounds. That is why it scares me to keep learning it. And this is why I have postponed a second visit to China for a while. I am not hiding my feelings. I know that I should give myself time, and that the right moment will come. When I am ready, I will return to China.

Tekst: Kim van Schie Fotografie: Ton Sondag