I am a person without a name. That should not be possible. In 2009, I had my adoption made undone. Since then, I have no name. I chose a first name that is similar to the first name of my first half-sister, to feel like I am as close to my biological family as possible. I am not sure what my last name is going to be.

<strong>I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT I WOULD EVER HAVE HAD SUCH A STRONG NEED TO BELONG IF I WAS NOT ADOPTED</strong>

I met my mother in 2009. It was the moment that I had been looking forward to almost my entire life. Meeting my own mother. I was looking through rose-coloured glasses at the time, but when I think about that day today, I realise that the meeting did not offer me what I was looking for. My mother was distant, and she remained distant that entire meeting. I saw her again once more last year, but the contact was the same. My social worker says: ‘she has her own family now, she needs to be strong’. I hoped for something she cannot offer.

My adoption made me incredibly lonely. I almost cannot describe the way I feel with words, but I do not believe that I would ever have had such a strong need to belong if I was not adopted. I am always looking for affirmation. For a connection. And up to now, I have been unable to find one.

Tekst: Inge van Meurs  Fotografie: Ton Sondag